1. |
I Can Drive A Tractor
04:18
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[chorus]
Oh, I can’t read and I can’t write
But it don’t really matter
Coz I comes from Somerset
And I can drive a tractor
When I was a babby, They sent me off to school
Teacher didn’t like I, She said I was a fool
Thought of adding numbers up, Filled me with alarm
I spent all my school days, A-working on the farm… ooooooh...
[chorus]
I was courting Mary Jane, Oh what fun we had
Things got rather serious, I met her mam and dad
Asked me what my prospects were, Made I got quite red
A doctor or a lawyer p’raps? This is what I said… ooooooh...
[chorus]
Went down for an interview, Down at Bath & West
Lots of toffs in shirts and ties, All trying to impress
Gaffer took one look at them, Sent them on their way
I ain’t got no A levels, But I can level hay…
ooooooh...
[chorus]
Went down to old London Town, Streets are paved with gold
Met some dodgy geezer, Who promised me a load
Had some contract I should read, Took me to his boss
Didn’t seem too happy, When I signed it with a cross…
ooooooh...
[chorus]
[chorus]
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2. |
Shepton Sheep
02:52
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Milton Keynes is a modern conurbation,
It’s famous for its houses and its Cow.
But I would rather be, where the air is fresh and free,
And we’ve got our special land marks any-how!
We got our Shepton Sheep, special Shepton Sheep,
You’ll see ‘em on our merry roundabout.
They don’t need grass or hay, can’t chase them away!
You’ll be surprised to see ‘em that’s no doubt –
Our Shepton Sheep, Our Shepton Sheep.
In springtime they may wear their Easter bonnets,
In summer take no shelter from the haze
In autumn sometimes seen, all dressed up for Halloween
And in winter they’ll be tethered to a sleigh!
We got our Shepton Sheep, special Shepton Sheep,
You’ll see ‘em on our merry roundabout.
They don’t need grass or hay, can’t chase them away!
You’ll be surprised to see ‘em that’s no doubt –
Our Shepton Sheep, Our Shepton Sheep.
If driving the A361 you’ll see ‘em,
It doesn’t matter at what time of day.
They’re always standing keen, a-surveying of the scene,
And that cardboard wolf that won’t chase them away!
We got our Shepton Sheep, special Shepton Sheep,
You’ll see ‘em on our merry roundabout.
They don’t need grass or hay, can’t chase them away!
You’ll be surprised to see ‘em that’s no doubt –
Our Shepton Sheep, Our Shepton Sheep
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3. |
Cider Be Good For 'Ee
03:20
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I was bought up on scrumpy cider, And I be seventy-two.
If you think that ain't bad, then ask me Mam and Dad
‘Cos they – wuz brought up on cider too!
Granddad works for a living, He's part of the Carnival Crew
They pays him in flagons, for building their dragons
And he – loves his cider too.
Great-granddad, he’s getting married, To young Daisy over in Chew
So happy and gay, they’re doing it in May
'Cause that's – that’s when the baby’s due!
Now cider, it be good for you; With it you’ll never stop
Ingredients so pure and true; It is – the cream of the crop.
Great-great Grandpa works in the orchard, He presses a cider so true
And his old man survivzes, down there in Devizes
And he – loves his Cider too.
Now cider, it be good for you; With it you’ll never stop
Ingredients so pure and true; It is – the cream of the crop
Our cousin lives up in London, He says that cider is weak
He’s never had a drop, He’s got the taste for hops
But they – bury him next week.
Now cider, it be good for you; Now let’s just make it clear
Ingredients so pure and true; You’ll last – longer than on Beer.
Now cider, it be good for you; With it you’ll never stop
Ingredients so pure and true; You’ll – always be on top.
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4. |
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[chorus]
Some poach without fear; some prefer to drink beer,
Some become Gamekeepers, some Scrump for fun.
You’ll never know what you’ll see, within the family:
Father’s the Gamekeeper – Poacher’s his son!
There’s hist’ry and folklore and legends,
Of highwaymen, robbers and rogues,
Some tales can be told that are equally bold,
And this one we’ll recount to you:
[chorus]
Now Granddad, oh! He were a poacher,
And really quite good at it too!
For the stuff that he’d stole under Great-Granddad’s nose,
Would end up in Great-Grandma’s stew!
[chorus]
Old Great-Granddad he’d got suspicious,
Of stuff disappearing at night,
Vowed to catch unawares someone putting out snares,
But Granddad – he kept out of sight!
[chorus]
Now Granddad became quite the expert,
And never got caught on his runs,
He was artful and bold, and it’s true to be told:
It’s a skill he passed on to his sons!
[chorus]
[chorus]
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5. |
No Sheep 'Til Ammerdown
02:17
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Out for the night, we’d just been paid,
Searching for scrump, and a pretty maid.
Din't find cider, we just found sheep,
So blooming many it put Jacko to sleep.
[chorus] Sheep, sheep everywhere!
The little woolly buggers are all over the place,
Sheep, sheep everywhere!
And we're searching for the one with the prettiest face.
Sheep in the fields, you could hear them bleat,
Sheep in the houses, and under your feet,
Sheep on the pavement, and sheep in the car,
Sheep in the pub and we all got baa-ed.
[chorus]
This is what locals get up to at night,
Gotta have yer wellies ‘case they put up a fight.
All the local lassies wear sheepskin coats,
It’s the only way they pick-up the blokes.
[chorus]
Out in the field, but beware of the ram,
Just as well hung for a sheep as a lamb.
Jacko got caught, rollin’ in the straw,
He’s gonna get a bleating from the mother-in-law.
[chorus]
[chorus]
[chorus]
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6. |
Valleys Girl
02:35
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As I was walking out one day,
A pretty maid did glance my way,
Soon we’z rolling in the hay,
Down in the Valleys.
Now, she can’t write and she can’t read,
But she knows ’bout the birds and bees,
I know that ‘cause she taught me,
Down in the Valleys.
[chorus] She’s a Valleys Girl, She’s a Valleys Girl,
Gloucestershire lass.
She comes from Stroud, And I be proud,
Seem to be, She fancies me!
She’s a Gloucestershire lass.
We sat ‘neath an apple tree,
I kissed her and she kissed me,
That’s the way ‘tis meant to be,
Down in the Valleys.
Now she said we was over-dressed,
So I stripped off my string vest,
You can guess what happened next,
Down in the Valleys.
[chorus]
Now, she said she was getting plump,
Think I got her ‘up the Clump’,
Her dad fetched me quite a thump,
Down in the Valley.
So, we wuz married pretty soon,
Wedding feast by summer moon,
Then we spend our honeymoon,
Down in the Valleys.
[chorus]
She’s a Valleys Girl, She’s a Valleys Girl,
A Gloucestershire lass.
She comes from Stroud, And I be proud,
Seem to be, She’s married me!
She’s my Gloucestershire lass.
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7. |
Listening To The Archers
02:55
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[chorus]
We’ve been listening to the Archers,
We’ve been listening to the Archers,
We’ve been listening to the Archers,
And they’re there on Radio 4.
Now, you turn on your radio and listen every day,
To folks who live in Borcetshire and all their country ways,
I’d go there on me holiday, but I can’t find the way,
‘Cos it ain’t on any map! (Oh no!)
[chorus]
Now Ambridge has a Cricket Team, it’s got a Village Pub.
It’s even got a Village Shop and Grundy’s Scrumpy Club.
Grey Gables is the place to go, it serves up lovely grub,
But it ain’t on any map! (Oh no!)
[chorus]
I’d listen on me radio when I were just a lad,
I got the hots for Schula A., and went and asked me dad;
If I could go and visit her, and he said “are you mad!,
‘Cos it ain’t on any map!” (Oh!)
[chorus]
Oh, David went and married Ruth, and she comes from “oop north”,
Schula’s married Alistair, she’s stables and a horse.
Old Phil’s retired, he spends his time a-ramblin’ through the gorse,
That ain’t on any map! (Oh no!)
[chorus]
The centre of the Village life has always been the Church,
The Vicar’s got a motor-bike, he needs it for his work.
I s’pose they’ll all end up in there, six foot beneath the earth.
That’s not on any map! (Oh!)
[chorus]
[chorus]
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8. |
Porthemmet
03:56
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[chorus]
Oh, if you’re off on holiday, try beautiful Porthemmet
Cornwall’s best kept secret, like a Caribbean film set,
Ask us for directions; you heard it quite correctly,
Over the hills and round the bend, and you’ll be there dreckly
It never rains in Cornwall, the sun do shine all day,
And hordes of dolphins do cavort in wide Porthemmet Bay.
We make the biggest pasties, the world has ever seen,
Two gert lumps of pastry with a cow shoved in between.
[chorus]
You seen it on that Interweb, such views to feast your eyes on,
Miles of empty golden sands that stretch to the horizon.
Our fish and chips are famous; the best you see for sale,
We’re deep fried half a ton of spuds, and battered up a whale.
[chorus]
The graveyards are quite empty because no-one wants to die
The pensioners go surfing underneath the summer sky
The pope came down to Cornwall, and he was heard to pray
That paradise be half as nice as our Porthemmet Bay!
[chorus]
You’re motored over more hills than you can comprehend,
And up and down those country lanes, they drove you round the bend
So remember what I told you, as you drive away,
It’s Cornwall’s best-kept secret – and secret it will stay!
Oh yes it’s Cornwall’s best-kept secret – and secret it will stay!
Are we there yet? No!
Are we there yet? No!
Are we there yet? NO!
Next year, we’re bloody going back to Weston…
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9. |
Five Miles An Hour
03:04
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I got my hay bailed, I'm going to take it,
All the way down the A38,
Ain’t going fast ‘cause I’m driving my tractor,
And everybody else will just have to wait.
[chorus] Driving down the road with a gert load of hay,
The cars queue up coz I’m in their way,
Somerset farmers, we never drive fast,
Enjoy the view folks, ‘cause you ain’t getting past,
Thank you John Deere, for giving me the power,
To drive around the countryside at five miles an hour.
Goin’ up a hill, and we’s gotta slow down now,
Reckon that queue’s about a mile and a half,
Lookin’ in the mirror at those angry red faces,
I knows I really shouldn’t but I’z just gotta laugh.
[chorus]
Just around the corner, there’s a straight road ahead now,
You can roar past me like a hurricane,
But as you pull out – there, coming straight for you,
A gert big tractor in the opposite lane. [“morning Joe!”]
[chorus]
So next time you drive though the country,
And you’ve got stuck in a ruddy long queue,
Right up front, in a dirty great tractor,
That’ll be me there, laughing at you! (“ha-ha-ha!”)
[chorus]
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10. |
Farrington Gurney
03:38
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[chorus] Farrington Gurney, Farrington Gurney,
Where folks never seem to frown.
Farrington Gurney, Farrington Gurney,
Now it’s not much smaller than a town.
Now many, many years ago, and once upon a time,
The feature of the village were the Slag-Heaps and the Mine,
That were so many years ago – and progress wouldn’t wait,
No eye-sore of a Slag-Heap: an Industrial Estate.
It’s there at:
[chorus]
Now when I were a little lad, in fields we used to play,
A-climbing up they conker trees or rollin’ in the hay,
We’d gather conkers off the ground, chuck sticks to get some more,
But cassn’t do it nowadays, there’s houses by the score.
They’re there at:
[chorus]
In Zummerzet I’m born and bred, of that I’m proud to say,
But even that old heritage they tried to take away.
They went and called it: “Avon”, but to me it weren’t the same.
They’ve changed it back to:- “Bath & North East Somerset”,
But to me it’s all the same.
I live in:
[chorus]
The Market Place is long and gone, there’s nobbut there to see,
A place where you can go and cure your sportin’ injury.
The Farm Shop is quite infamous, it will you all enthral.
The Prince of Wales he came to see half a Cow out the wall!
It’s there at:
[chorus]
Let’s go to:
Farrington Gurney, Farrington Gurney,
To my mind it is a hit.
Farrington Gurney, Farrington Gurney,
It makes other places seem like…Shepton Mallet!
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11. |
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Christopher Columbus, he sailed the oceans blue,
Got stuck in the Doldrums, he din’t know what to do,
Jacko thought ‘we won’t get far’,
Got a gert big cider jar,
Raised a force ten gale that blew them straight to Timbuktu.
[chorus] I likes cider, but cider makes me fart,
And people gives me money with the hopes that I depart,
Where bist that money to? Really quite a farce...
Coz I goes back to the bar, and buys another glass.
Jacko worked a lifetime on, the ferry down in Pill,
If they hadn’t closed it down, he would be there still,
Chucked some scrumpy down his gob,
Got himself a brand new job,
Powering the wind turbines on top of Harptree Hill.
[chorus]
Jacko took a wager, one summers afternoon,
Downed a quart of scrumpy, some beaked beans and a prune,
A rumble from his derriere,
Blasted him into the air,
That’s how Shepton Mallet put the first man on the moon!
[chorus]
[chorus]
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12. |
The Rat Song
03:56
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One sunny morning I was out there workin’ on me farm,
Me ol’ mate ‘Arry spoke to me; he caused me some alarm.
The thing that what ‘ee ‘ad to tell, it caused me some dismay,
I ‘ad to throw me pitchfork down and up and run away…
He said: You’re never more that 9-yard from a Rat,
You’re never more that 9-yard from a Rat.
When you’re out there in the ‘taters,
They’ll start runnin’ up y’r gaitors!
Oh, you’re never more that 9-yard from a Rat!
I jumped into me harvester, to contemplate me fate
I thought I’d put me radio on to try and calm me state.
The fellow on me wireless, he cut me to the core,
Rat populations on the rise, they’re getting more and more...
Now, you’re never more that 6-yard from a Rat,
You’re never more that 6-yard from a Rat.
Despite that what we’m tryin’,
They’re always multiplyin’!
You’re never more that 6-yard from a Rat!
I rushed down to the village pub ‘cos things was getting worse,
I opened up the newspaper to see chapter and verse,
My eyes fell on an article; it was such a to-do,
When liftin’ up ‘is toilet seat – a Squirrel in the loo!
Oh, you’re never more that 4-foot from a Rat,
You’re never more that 4-foot from a Rat.
It do really make me pale,
A Rat with a fluffy tail!
Oh, you’re never more that 4-foot from a Rat!
I went up to the Barmaid there, I needed some escape,
I thought I’d try and chat ‘er up, and ask ‘er for a date.
The thing that what she said to me, it cut me to the quick
She said I’d better ask me wife, and called me a great - pillock!
She said: I’m never more than 2 foot from a rat!
I’m never more that 2-foot from a Rat.
When I’m up there fillin’ tumblers,
There’s nowt worse than they punters!
Oh, I’m never more that 2-foot from a Rat!
She’s never more than 2-foot from a rat!
She’s never more that 2-foot from a Rat.
When She’s up there fillin’ tankards,
There’s nowt worse than they - idiots!
Oh, She’s never more that 2-foot from a Rat! – They’re on the increase!
She’s never more that 2-foot from a Rat! – She’ll call the landlord!
You’re never more that 2-foot from a Rat!
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13. |
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I was driving down the great long A38 truck road,
When I spotted a hitchhiker with a gurt big heavy load.
Stopped to pick him up and he sounded rather grumpy
I said climb inside the back mate and help yourself to scrumpy
Said he was out of London; I said you ain’t seen nothing yet
Coz now you’re in God’s Country; this is good ole Somerset!"
I've been everywhere, man (I've been everywhere, man)
Breathed that country air, man (Lovely country air, man)
London? Don’t go there, man (I've been everywhere)
I've been to
Ansford, Sandford, Langford, Stanton Drew
Freshford, Saltford, Midford, River Brue
Burnham, Keynsham, Lympsham, Brent Knoll
Ashcott, Catcott, Draycott, Wookey Hole
Dunster, Vobster, Cheddar, Pill Ferry,
Congresbury, Timsbury, Marksbury, Glastonbury
I've been everywhere, man (I've been everywhere, man)
Breathed that country air, man (Lovely country air, man)
Cardiff? Don’t go there, man (I've been everywhere)
I've been to
Axbridge, Highbridge, Nettlebridge, Failand
Porlock, Martock, Radstock, Westonzoyland
Minehead, Nynehead, Portishead, Dunkerton
Chew Stoke, Kewstoke, Limpley Stoke, Dulverton
Cranmore, Enmore, Wedmore, Wanstrow
Wellow, Berrow, Easton-in-Gordano
I've been everywhere, man (I've been everywhere, man)
Breathed that country air, man (Lovely country air, man)
Gloucester? Don’t go there, man (I've been everywhere)
I've been to
Somerton, Woolverton, Camerton, Peasedown
Pensford, Coleford, Sparkford, Brean Down
Godney, Butleigh, Portbury, Yeovil
Nailsea, Harptree, Castle Cary, Huntspill
Batcombe, Butcombe, Holcombe, River Parrett
Dicheat, Watchett, Burnett, Shepton Mallet
I've been everywhere, man (I've been everywhere, man)
Breathed that country air, man (Lovely country air, man)
Swindon? Don’t go there, man (I've been everywhere)
I've been to
Weston, Wellington, Williton, Winscombe
Paulton, Pilton, Priston, Crowcombe
Clevedon, Bleadon, Blagdon, Bridgwater
Hutton, Clutton, Yatton, West Coker
Yarlington, Tarlington, Taunton, Charlton Mackerell
Banwell, Backwell, Nempnett Thrubwell
I've been everywhere, man (I've been everywhere, man)
Breathed that country air, man (Lovely country air, man)
London? Don’t go there, man (I've been everywhere)
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14. |
Somerset Maid
03:04
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Mary from the dairy, cor she were a smasher,
She used to bring me milk each day.
Tried to chat ‘er up, she didn’t wanna know me,
Wouldn’t let me have my whey!
Lena was me cleaner, worked three days a week,
To try and keep the dust at bay.
Thought I’d try me luck, and said, “you’re quite a scrubber!”,
But she didn’t wanna play!
[chorus]
I’ll never get myself a Somerset maid,
Doesn’t matter how much I get paid,
Coz it seems to that I’ll never get laid,
I’ll never get a Somerset maid.
Anne worked in the butchers down in Barrow Gurney,
I saw her working in the shops
Thought I'd try me luck & grabbed a piece of prime rump,
She just slapped me in the chops!
Doris was a florist, worked in Shepton Mallet,
Tending to her hollyhocks.
One fine day I said, “come on let’s see yer bloomers!”,
But she went and called the cops!
[chorus]
Gilly's quite a filly, likes to go out jumping,
Heard that she was highly strung.
Grabbed her by the withers, she didn’t seem to like it,
Threw me in a pile of dung!
Betty is the barmaid down The Fox & Badger,
Serving up some lovely grub
When I tried to pull her, she yelled for the landlord,
Barred me from the bloomin’ pub!
[chorus]
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15. |
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They’m big and round, grow in the ground,
But in the shops none will be found.
You’d get ‘em cheaper by the pound, they’m called the Mangold – Wurzels.
They feed ‘em to they pigs and sheep,
In best of health it does ‘em keep,
Not for the likes of you and me, they’m called the Mangold – Wurzels.
Now Wurzel Gummage on T.V.,
Could change ‘is ‘ead quite easily,
A turnip? – No, I disagree; it is a Mangold – Wurzel!
Now weem a band you’ve come to see,
The likes of ‘im and ‘im and me!
We’re very glad you’ve stayed – ‘cos we are called the Mangled – Wurzels.
We ain’t that pretty with good looks,
Use words that don’t appear in books,
We try and write songs with good hooks; that end in Mangold – Wurzel!
‘Cos we’re the Mangled – Wurzels.
We’em called the Mangled – Wurzels.
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The Mangledwurzels England, UK
The Mangledwurzels are a three-piece Scrumpy & Western band based in Somerset writing and performing in the style of Adge Cutler. Formed in 2005, the band has established themselves across the West Country with their highly entertaining live performances blending classic Wurzels songs with self-penned original compositions and pop standards 'Mangled' in true Wurzels tradition. ... more
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